Giving our Hearts away

As I sit on my bed writing this I relive conversations in my head I have had this week with females (teenagers and adults.) As women we are emotional beings. We sit and talk to one another about our problems ALL THE TIME! God created us to be emotional beings! It can be AWESOME! Most of the time females get caught up in the wrong type of emotion. The emotions of giving our heart away without the other person realizing they have something so precious. Watch this short Video from the Vancouver Film School that I found a couple of years back...

Even though this video is of a guy giving his heart away I think, as girls, we give ours away too easily. The guy might not even like us as more than a friend and we become attached to him and when he starts dating someone else our whole world shatters. Most of the time the guy has no idea what happened. Proverbs 4:23 says, "Guard your heart above all else,for it determines the course of your life." Guarding your heart is so HARD! We, as girls, like a guy and because he texts us back we think he likes us. He's actually just a nice person. We let pieces of our hearts get taken and broken by guys who don't deserve us. We fret and ask God to help us get over that guy, but why did we give him our heart to start with?
So, most of my friends know that when you go to the movies to watch a chick flick with me I say out loud "OH MAN, that would NEVER happen in real life!" Especially, when the leading male character shoots the girls a line like, "You are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, I can't believe you are mine!" Okay, PUKE! I totally made that line up, but it's so sappy I think I threw up a little in my mouth! But you get the picture. The media has made girls and guys believe that those lines are how amazing relationships start. In actuality those lines make girls think the guys are their Disney Princes. Side note: Disney has destroyed girls view points on guys. Guys are not that perfect, but heck, we aren't Cinderella!
On a personal note.... I have told my students for years that every time you kiss someone part of your heart leaves. I don't want my heart for my future husband to be a sliver of something that once was, that is where God comes into play! I found this next quote and I think it's awesome! I just wish I could find the Author, "God can heal a broken heart but He has to have all the pieces." Does God have all of your pieces or do you need to take some back? The only way to get pieces back is through prayer. Don't just give your heart away like the tin man in the video, but Guard it and don't let someone break it into pieces! Remember: Your relationship needs to be focused and built on God not your boyfriend! I leave you with One more scripture verse.

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

Marriage

As I was thinking about this post one thing kept running through my head...

The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam...
The Impressive Clergyman: And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva...
The Impressive Clergyman: So tweasure your wuv.
Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end.
The Impressive Clergyman: Have you the wing?
The Impressive Clergyman: ...and do you,Pwincess Buwwercup...
Prince Humperdinck: Man and wife. Say man and wife.
The Impressive Clergyman: Man an' wife.

If you don't know what this quote is from the you NEED to watch "The Princess Bride." K? Great!

So, What is your take on Marriage (or should I say Mawage)?! Some people are so stinkin' obessed with getting married it almost sickens me... Seriously! I am a total girl though so some days I just want a man in my life that will care for me, take care of me, love me, support me, and put up with my crap... THEN I realize that means I would have to live with a boy and then I remember how good I have it! haha! 

Marriage is more than living together, marriage is a life long commitment. Did you know that if you live together before getting married you are 50% more likely to get divorced than if you didn't live together before marriage?! We shouldn't try out something like marriage before we make that commitment! Do you try out car or health insurance before buying it? nope! As a youth pastor I've used cars for analogies about dating and marriage. Before you start dating it is like car shopping for your dream car! When you are first dating you are just looking at the outside of the car. Then when you get serious it's like you are in the driver's seat and it feels nice. If you get married it's like after you take the car off of the lot and YOU LOVE IT!! You drive and drive and drive! Some times you get dings and scratches, but that's your dream car and you fix those little problems like how you need to work on your marriage. Now, if you didn't buy your dream car, but you bought the first car to come along if something happens you want to trade it in instead of buffing out the scratches and maybe even getting a new paint job. That's what happens when you don't wait for the person God has for us. We still look around and we don't try and fix our relationship. We jump to the next relationship.

I want to encourage you to wait for the person God has for you! I look at my parents and see how they work on their relationship. They buff out the scratches... They know they married the person God had for them and so they work at it, everyday! They know that no matter what God prepared them for each other. They know that they have flaws and their spouse has flaws, but together they can glorify God through their marriage and that their marriage is an act of Worship.

The Apostle Paul is dogged on for his view on marriage. He says in 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 "So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am. But if they can’t control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It’s better to marry than to burn with lust." Yeah, He just said that it is better to stay unmarried! We live in a society that sees this as CRAZY and maybe it is.... But how many people have gotten married because they were suppose to instead of because they knew that God wanted them too...


I say stay single and don't shack up until God reveals to you the person whom you are to marry then GO FOR IT! Make that marriage an act of WORSHIP because Paul also says this in 1 Corinthians 7: 3-5 "The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs.The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control." HECK YEAH!!!!! 

Dating Pt. 2 (the good stuff!)

Dating is different for everyone. As a youth pastor the magic question by parents and teenagers alike is, "When is it okay to start dating?" The good rule of thumb is if you can see yourself married at this time then it's okay to date. (Hang out in a GROUP, so much more fun!! No pressure and WAY more laughter!!) We live in a culture that most of the generation before us met in grade school and started dating young and married right out of high school. Here's the kicker 51% of teen marriages end in divorce BEFORE the age of 24 (pg. 13 in Dateable). Here's another scenario for you from Dateable. "Out of 100 married people asked, 22 said they married their high school crush... Out of those 22 people, 17 got divorced." Do the math, that's 5 people left!
So, basically you and your "sweetheart" aren't gonna last! Got it?!  I had my first boyfriend in the 4th grade, his name is Brett Stalnaker. I was SOOOOOooo in love with him. I would now call it puppy love, but the love is real to the puppy, at least at the time it was! Was I ready to get married? NO! Do I regret it? C'mon it was 4th grade, so no! What I do regret is kissing for the first time the day after 4th grade ended at Kenton's house at a little party. The reason I regret it is because I wanted to do something new with every boyfriend after him. We've tackled the when now there is the question of Why?! I like to ask people WHY? Why date?! What's the point? So, what do you think the point of dating is? My Momma would tell you, "We date to find a mate." So true! I was a serial dater and through that I found what I like in guys and what I don't like! Don't even think you stand a chance with me if you are a hairy person, gag! But seriously, We date to figure out what we can and can NOT live with through dating! I'm not against dating in that context, but I am against dating because it is cool or dating because I want to feel loved. If you really want to feel loved then PRAY because the only love that is going to help, right now, is that of the Father.

When, Why, now WHO?! Who should I date? You should date the boy who loves God more than you! Who won't talk to you till he falls asleep because he wants to do his quiet time. Don't date the bad boy! I know he's the hot one and the one we see as a challenge, but date the boy who will lead you closer to Christ not closer to his bed! Yeah, I said it! NOT CLOSER TO HIS BED! Don't even think about going to a bedroom! Some of you know, I'm so not playing! Date a guy who cares more about your walk with Christ than your relationship with each other! If you don't see that person around you, then don't date anyone! OOOOoooo She went there! Why, Yes I did! If that strong Christian male isn't around you then you shouldn't be dating! Wait for the person God has for you! It may take years, but WAIT! Waiting is something we are SO not good at, but how about we try! We pray and try to wait for what God has for us! I said try and wait because some of us get impatient and date whoever so that we aren't alone for a period of time. What we don't realize is in the end we get hurt because we didn't wait on God. So, wait on God and HE WILL PROVIDE!

Dating Pt. 1

So this is a 2 part blog! The funny thing is that I have already written part 2! I know I'm crazy, but I came to the realization that some questions needed to be answered before I jumped into what some would call the good stuff! Get ready for the Journey of Christian Dating! So, Here we go! WEEEEeeeeeeeee! Okay, I was acting like we were going down a slide if you didn't catch that!
What is dating? Dating looks different for everyone! Seriously, it does. For some dating is seeing one person exclusively. The two of them hang out and live most aspects of their lives together. Other types of dating are when once person just goes on dates with different people each weekend and are not committing themselves to a significant other. In middle school you hold hands, write notes, and walk through the halls together. You get asked out by a note, through facebook, or a text. You will probably meet each other at birthday parties and try to stay close, most of the time you are not allowed to go places together. If you are *lucky* your parents will let them come over and watch a movie or take you to the mall.

In High School the dating game changes. Instead of not being able to actually go places together, every Friday night or Saturday you are hanging out. You might go to football games, the movies, concerts, bowling, dances, or out to eat.  Normally, it's just dinner and a movie! Prom is always a huge deal for people who date in high school. For girls, you guys want a person you can spend the rest of your lives with. Guys, on the other hand, normally live in the moment and are not looking towards the future. Do you see a difference here between guys and girls in this stage?

In college dating changes again. Everyone is thinking about marriage. When dating in college there are new rules. No parents are around to make sure the dating is appropriate and good choices are made. The couple can spend every waking and sleeping moment together, if they choose.* I say that hanging out at the BCM and in the library studying plus some hang out time is great, but you should try HARD not to be alone together for too long.

So what's the big deal with dating? Dating should be a time when you can focus on learning to grow with another person. Here's the deal though, to have a good relationship no matter how old you are you need to keep God the focus of your relationship!

What the Bible says about dating? Well in times of the Bible they didn't have dating... Your parents would pick out your mate and you would marry them. We can glean from some verses though. 

2 Timothy 2:22 says "Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart." 2 Corinthians 6:14-15 "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

** I disagree with this!