Adoption Exhaustion

Psalm 69:3I am exhausted from crying for help;my throat is parched.My eyes are swollen with weeping,waiting for my God to help me.

I don’t know about you, but this scripture hits deep in my soul. When it comes to our adoption we want it to happen now… We were told the wait time is minimal, but here we are… still waiting. We are told our book is a dream book, but we are still waiting. If I'm honest with you I've cried A LOT! I can't tell you how many times I have asked God just to make this barren womb healthy, so we could be like everyone else. Or how many times I have prayed for the birth mom of our future child, hoping the agency would call the next day.

We are coming into the Holidays. I firmly believed God was going to provide a child for us this Holiday Season. During the Adoption process its all hurry up and wait. You have to get your paper work and book made. Then get your home study which means getting your house uber clean! Then more paperwork. Then you are presented to potential birth moms. They might pick you, they might not. We have a carseat in our closet just in case we get a call. We have a crib in pieces in the corner of our office. We have a bassinet in our basement. We don't want to get excited when someone says, "We know this girl who is thinking about adoption." Our hearts have leapt once in this journey. The girl hasn't given birth yet, but it's not a great situation and we will probably go through the holidays childless.... again. I am like the Psalmist wrote - exhausted - exhausted from crying for help. I truly believe God has us on this journey to help others.

Am I trying to treat God like Santa Clause?

As I sat down to blog this morning I wondered... am I trying to treat God like Santa Clause? I am asking for something and wanting instant gratification from my prayer... Then I realized - God is God and I am not. He is not Santa Clause. He does not give us things because we ask. He gives us things that are already his desires for us.  Psalm37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Our hearts are naturally sinful. So, for our hearts and God's to match up with God's we have to be focused on Him. The more we focus on Him the more His desires become our desires. It's no longer a Santa Clause feel, but something that is already laid in the plans from the beginning!

During my personal worship time with God this morning literally right before I sat to finish this blog God reminded me over and over that We're Not Alone. God is fighting for us! This song came out in 2014 and this morning I heard it like never before. It is my hearts cry. My God hears my cries.... He is strengthening my heart.

You hear our Prayer; You see our need
Nothing is too hard for our God.  

We're not alone, We're not alone 

We are not alone, We are not alone
Our God is Fighting for us always

Seasons

Have you ever felt like there is a season in your life that is on its way, but you have no idea what that is?

My best fall photo.

Growing up in Virginia I loved the seasons! Every season is completely different. you knew when it started getting hot out that it was almost time for school to get out for summer, but my favorite was knowing that school was about to start because of how tall the corn had gotten.  The two seasons I loved the most we don't have here in South Georgia, Fall and Winter. The change into Fall is my absolute favorite time of year! You wake up one morning and a crispness hits your face and you know the leaves are about to change and it will be sweater weather soon!

I miss the leaves changing colors and the crunchy sound under your feet, but most of all I miss the change. You knew a change was coming. You knew things would not stay hot forever. A cool change was coming.

In the season of life that my husband and I are in we are feeling that a cool change is coming, but the hard part is not knowing when or how. We are in an uneasy part of life almost like "waiting for the other shoe to drop" or will this be the cool change? This is not a fun feeling at all, but this is where we are right now. Where does God want us? What does God want us to do? I keep reminding other people of Paul's words to the church at Philippi about being anxious. Funny thing, I am being anxious! Sometimes we think God is talking through us when in actuality He is talking directly to us!

Phil 4:6-7

With the change in seasons comes some amazing things! I hope your change this season is a happy one!

WoW really?!

OKay So I haven't blogged in months... Well, that's a lie. I have blogged just not posted them for your enjoyment!

Life has been so crazy, I resigned my church and now live in NOLA. I never would have thought I would live in Louisiana or even be going to Seminary right now... My life is pretty normal, Friends, Class, Studying... It should probably be in a different order, because I spend a lot of time in class and a lot studying! My roommate has moved out not because we didn't like living together, but because she found basically a free house to live in! So, now I live in a 4 bedroom apt by myself! I actually really like it!

One thing that is hard right now is finding a church... I've been to church with friends and haven't really felt like whole heartedly "this is the church for me." UGH! Why doesn't NewSpring have a New Orleans Campus?! haha! But Sunday is coming and it will be a new day and a new church!

I'm looking for a job and have interviewed twice with a Cheer gym for a coaches position! I am praying that if it's God's will that I get it! I love cheerleading and coaching and the fact that it is a Christian gym just adds icing to the cake! Man, I hope it happens and I get a chance to mix my passion for leading teenage girls to Christ and my passion for Cheerleading together!

I have been able to babysit a couple of times and it is just wonderful! I get to spend time with kids and play! Plus, I can be a blessing for parents here on campus that can't find a babysitter or one that their kids like! lol!

Funny kawinkadink, 2 of my best friends at home were Kristy and April... Well, here my 2 best friends are Christie and April! Ha! At least I didn't have to learn new names!

Where does Your devotion lie?

God has really been rocking my world with 1 Cor 7. Some of you know my obsession with 7:17 in the Message, but the whole chapter is full of Godly goodness! So what does it talk about, you ask?! Try staying single and being devoted to God, if you can that is! But seriously, 7: 35 says,

I say this for your own benefit, not to lay any restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

I have found while this month in Seminary that TOO many people are focusing on what I would consider the wrong things. (Some of you are going to laugh thinking that is coming from me, but God is really convicting me.) We are focusing on in a Christian realm would be a worldly thing! WTCrap are we thinking and doing?!

• Marriage and finding the one (UGH! It's driving me NUTS!!! I've even stopped watching "Say Yes to the Dress" that's how much it's bothering me!)

• Theology and NOT reaching people

• Making yourself look good and NOT God

• Their church

• THE SAINTS (okay, I LOVE football and this is SUCH a big deal in NOLA, but we are tending to talk about them and NOT Jesus)

So those are just things I can think of right now, but seriously there are way more I know it! I guess it just kills me that people aren't trying to find a way to reach our city. Now, I am one who is super focused on my studies and very rarely leave campus because of it... Which is a big reason I'm hoping for this cheer job! But the Marriage complaint above is really getting to me... like so much! I hate people asking me "well, have you found anyone there yet?" Okay, really?! Why am I here?! I thought I was here to learn and to grow! hmmm apparently I'm here to find a mate?! Who knew! I wish God had sent me that memo! haha! Okay, so only certain people will get that, but it's true!

Hopefully I will Update again soon!