He is STILL good

For the last few months I have been reminded over and over that no matter what happens God is still God and He is still good. For my Husband and I we have been praying for a child for years. Honestly, it's been hard. We have had times where we believed we were going to be matched with a birth mom and we have not been picked. We have been told we aren't country enough or that we aren't what the birth mom is looking for. We've even had 2 mom's pull out the day before looking at our book because they weren't ready. We have felt as though at times we had a miscarriage. We have sat on our couch weeping together. Our parents have weeped and people have tried to be kind and say things to help us, but really through those times words do not help.

This thought of God still being good started a couple of months ago at a women's retreat. The title for the weekend was "Broken Hallelujah." My Pastor friend Jane spent part of the weekend in Daniel. Daniel 3:18 describes Shadrack, Meshack, and Abendego's reaction of what their punishment was to be. They were brave. They said that no matter what God chose to do (save them or not) they would never bow down to the man made alters. Here's the kicker... No matter what God was still going to save them. So many times in our lives we forget how God works. We forget that we are IN His plan. We think that some how it's OUR plan and God is like Santa and gives us what we want. I've been reading a book called Barren Among the Fruitful. Amanda Hope Haley writes, "A child is not a reward for a woman's faithfulness to God. Meeting God face-to-face is the reward." I think we are almost programed to believe that faithfulness means God is going to do what we want Him to do as long as we are faithful to Him. That's not how this works at all. People, hear me here, God is going to do what brings Him the most GLORY. Wether we need to go through the fire or die in the fire, God will get the glory. I came away from the conference knowing that even if God did NOT bring us a child He was still good. That next week we had another failed match in which we told no one about. I thought since I had come to terms with this then God was going to bless us. Again, it was about ME and NOT about God. Ya'll I'm a Pastor and I struggle with wanting God to work on my timeline.

So, here I am a couple of months later... I have been to a conference for Youth Pastors and again the speakers were talking about how to believe in God we have to believe that the same God who was good on my graduation day from college, our wedding day and on FSU's National Championship (yes, it was a big deal in our family) is still good on the days that birth moms say, "No." He is still good when we feel like we will never become parents. God is constantly reminding us that He is still good. We had a teenager tell me last week that he is no longer going to use my name, but call me Church Momma instead. God is reminding us that we do have kids... right now 36 teenagers we see regularly. They need us to be real. They need to see that we struggle. They need to see the Christianity is not all rainbows, butterflies, unicorns, and glitter. They need to see that even in the hard times we still believe.

God has given us songs like Miracles by Jesus Culture and a new one by Michael Farren called Fighting For Us. (Please give it a listen below.) God has given us friends who aren't overbearing and just wait with us. He is growing us closer to him.  He is showing us more of His love than we have ever felt. Does that mean we have all great days? No, there are days I feel like I can't get out of bed because I am so down and feel broken... physically and spiritually. The song Fighting for Us has reminded me that God is still God, He is still good, and He is fighting for us! He is the God who defeated armies and He can make us parents - that doesn't mean He will, just that He can. The only way He is going to make us parents is if our story is all about Him and nothing that we have done. Our story is God's story! So, pray for us as we continue to try and make Him look good. Continue to pass the word that we would love to be parents to a child... no matter their race or gender!

Adoption Exhaustion

Psalm 69:3I am exhausted from crying for help;my throat is parched.My eyes are swollen with weeping,waiting for my God to help me.

I don’t know about you, but this scripture hits deep in my soul. When it comes to our adoption we want it to happen now… We were told the wait time is minimal, but here we are… still waiting. We are told our book is a dream book, but we are still waiting. If I'm honest with you I've cried A LOT! I can't tell you how many times I have asked God just to make this barren womb healthy, so we could be like everyone else. Or how many times I have prayed for the birth mom of our future child, hoping the agency would call the next day.

We are coming into the Holidays. I firmly believed God was going to provide a child for us this Holiday Season. During the Adoption process its all hurry up and wait. You have to get your paper work and book made. Then get your home study which means getting your house uber clean! Then more paperwork. Then you are presented to potential birth moms. They might pick you, they might not. We have a carseat in our closet just in case we get a call. We have a crib in pieces in the corner of our office. We have a bassinet in our basement. We don't want to get excited when someone says, "We know this girl who is thinking about adoption." Our hearts have leapt once in this journey. The girl hasn't given birth yet, but it's not a great situation and we will probably go through the holidays childless.... again. I am like the Psalmist wrote - exhausted - exhausted from crying for help. I truly believe God has us on this journey to help others.

Am I trying to treat God like Santa Clause?

As I sat down to blog this morning I wondered... am I trying to treat God like Santa Clause? I am asking for something and wanting instant gratification from my prayer... Then I realized - God is God and I am not. He is not Santa Clause. He does not give us things because we ask. He gives us things that are already his desires for us.  Psalm37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Our hearts are naturally sinful. So, for our hearts and God's to match up with God's we have to be focused on Him. The more we focus on Him the more His desires become our desires. It's no longer a Santa Clause feel, but something that is already laid in the plans from the beginning!

During my personal worship time with God this morning literally right before I sat to finish this blog God reminded me over and over that We're Not Alone. God is fighting for us! This song came out in 2014 and this morning I heard it like never before. It is my hearts cry. My God hears my cries.... He is strengthening my heart.

You hear our Prayer; You see our need
Nothing is too hard for our God.  

We're not alone, We're not alone 

We are not alone, We are not alone
Our God is Fighting for us always

Seasons

Have you ever felt like there is a season in your life that is on its way, but you have no idea what that is?

My best fall photo.

Growing up in Virginia I loved the seasons! Every season is completely different. you knew when it started getting hot out that it was almost time for school to get out for summer, but my favorite was knowing that school was about to start because of how tall the corn had gotten.  The two seasons I loved the most we don't have here in South Georgia, Fall and Winter. The change into Fall is my absolute favorite time of year! You wake up one morning and a crispness hits your face and you know the leaves are about to change and it will be sweater weather soon!

I miss the leaves changing colors and the crunchy sound under your feet, but most of all I miss the change. You knew a change was coming. You knew things would not stay hot forever. A cool change was coming.

In the season of life that my husband and I are in we are feeling that a cool change is coming, but the hard part is not knowing when or how. We are in an uneasy part of life almost like "waiting for the other shoe to drop" or will this be the cool change? This is not a fun feeling at all, but this is where we are right now. Where does God want us? What does God want us to do? I keep reminding other people of Paul's words to the church at Philippi about being anxious. Funny thing, I am being anxious! Sometimes we think God is talking through us when in actuality He is talking directly to us!

Phil 4:6-7

With the change in seasons comes some amazing things! I hope your change this season is a happy one!

Confession

"The confession of evil works is the first beginning of good works.” ~Saint Augustine

 When was the last time we confessed our sins? I'm not talking about just saying, "and forgive me of my sins" but really thinking about all the times we sinned today.... True confession is going into detail. When we confess it helps us to not do those things again. For me actually verbalizing sins that run through everything in my life helps me to not do those things.

I taught in one of my classes today on confession. We took chalk pastels and colored our paper.. then we wrote our sins on top with another color.... If you know anything about using chalk you know it smears. So, after we wrote our sins we smeared them and blended them into our background color. Both colors were still visible, but our words were gone. Much like how the repercussions of our sins are still in our lives, but the sins are gone.

Found this on Google like most pics

Here's a list of sins... some I struggle with and commit, some I don't:

• Lust
• for people
• for things
• for love not from God (relationships and such)
• Anger
• Hate
• Gossip
• Slander
• Greed
• Stealing
• Materialism
• Not Honoring my Parents
• Laziness
• Murder
• Being Judgmental
• Pride
• Over indulging
• food
• alcohol
• Adultery
• Lying
• Not making God a priority in Life
• Idolatry
• If you have anything that you Love more than God that is Idolatry
• Being Envious
• Carrying a Grudge
• Using Foul Language
• Using the Lord's name in vein 
• Not giving to the Poor
• Not praying for others

Have I hit anything on your list because I've hit a lot of mine! How much do we sit before God and ask him for things when we are unclean? How long would it take for us to remember all the sins we have committed this week?! Maybe we should start now confessing to God EVERY sin.... This could take a while! But afterwards we get to start ANEW!!! 

Remember: Confession isn't a free pass to sin again instead we are suppose to be fleeing from sin!