Adoption Exhaustion

Psalm 69:3I am exhausted from crying for help;my throat is parched.My eyes are swollen with weeping,waiting for my God to help me.

I don’t know about you, but this scripture hits deep in my soul. When it comes to our adoption we want it to happen now… We were told the wait time is minimal, but here we are… still waiting. We are told our book is a dream book, but we are still waiting. If I'm honest with you I've cried A LOT! I can't tell you how many times I have asked God just to make this barren womb healthy, so we could be like everyone else. Or how many times I have prayed for the birth mom of our future child, hoping the agency would call the next day.

We are coming into the Holidays. I firmly believed God was going to provide a child for us this Holiday Season. During the Adoption process its all hurry up and wait. You have to get your paper work and book made. Then get your home study which means getting your house uber clean! Then more paperwork. Then you are presented to potential birth moms. They might pick you, they might not. We have a carseat in our closet just in case we get a call. We have a crib in pieces in the corner of our office. We have a bassinet in our basement. We don't want to get excited when someone says, "We know this girl who is thinking about adoption." Our hearts have leapt once in this journey. The girl hasn't given birth yet, but it's not a great situation and we will probably go through the holidays childless.... again. I am like the Psalmist wrote - exhausted - exhausted from crying for help. I truly believe God has us on this journey to help others.

Am I trying to treat God like Santa Clause?

As I sat down to blog this morning I wondered... am I trying to treat God like Santa Clause? I am asking for something and wanting instant gratification from my prayer... Then I realized - God is God and I am not. He is not Santa Clause. He does not give us things because we ask. He gives us things that are already his desires for us.  Psalm37:4 Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you your heart’s desires. Our hearts are naturally sinful. So, for our hearts and God's to match up with God's we have to be focused on Him. The more we focus on Him the more His desires become our desires. It's no longer a Santa Clause feel, but something that is already laid in the plans from the beginning!

During my personal worship time with God this morning literally right before I sat to finish this blog God reminded me over and over that We're Not Alone. God is fighting for us! This song came out in 2014 and this morning I heard it like never before. It is my hearts cry. My God hears my cries.... He is strengthening my heart.

You hear our Prayer; You see our need
Nothing is too hard for our God.  

We're not alone, We're not alone 

We are not alone, We are not alone
Our God is Fighting for us always